Adopting the Akatsuki
by Wolfboy117
Summary: Akatsuki with a bad idea equals the end result of Kittens/Fangirls Hysteria! After attempting a new Ninjutsu, the Akatsuki are transported to our world as kittens. Naturally, we all blame Tobi. After being adopted by four fangirls, the S-ranked cats find life to be tiring, but surprisingly easier. i hope Hidan won't sacrifice anybody. KonanXoc, HidanXoc, KisameXoc, and ItachiXoc.
1. Kittens no jutsu!

**_Hello fellow Fanfictioners!_**

**_this is my first fanfiction, and i hope it will please. I have been wanting to write about this kind of thing ever since I first saw the Akatsuki in action, and I finally found the balls to do it! I would appreciate. . . NO FLAMES! Like I said, this is my first fic, so I want to get acquainted with everything first. Okay, you get it. Cue disclaimer!_**

**_I do not own Naruto or the Akatsuki, but my OC's are mine. ALL MINE! _**

Third person POV.

"It's time to begin." Pein said, "Bring him."

Kisame and Kakuzu carried the lifeless husk of Sasori's body over to the base of the Gedo statue. They placed him on a slab of stone and backed away.

Deep in the Akatsuki hideout, the remaining eight S-ranked ninja, and one Tobi stood in a semicircle around their fallen comrade. Sasori's death had come as a shock, as everyone expected for the puppet master to emerge victoriously. Instead, they were greeted with the shocking reality that those they dismissed as children could kill them. This must not come to pass, they had decided, and so they planned.

The plan was simple, and yet difficult. They would use Peins Rinnegan and Itachi's Sharingan to create a ninjutsu- genjutsu state on the Gedo statue, releasing the chakra inside, while Hidan would make the Jashin ritual of death for Sasori's body. Then, Tobi would use his space-time ninjutsu to distort the Gedo chakra. With any luck, not only would this restore Sasori, but it would transfer the Gedo chakra into the other Akatsuki, making them twice as powerful.

However, it would take massive amounts of chakra from all nine members, and if one of them made a mistake, then the results could destroy the entire hideout, or send them all to an alternate universe, so they would have to be cautious.

Pein and Itachi stood in front of the statue, rigid with adrenaline. Hidan was making the Jashin sign around Sasori's body.

"Are you sure we should do this Pein?" Konan asked.

Pein looked down at her, but then back at the Gedo.

"It's the hour of judgment." He said, and his Rinnegan flashed dramatically.

Konan slowly stepped back to her place in the semicircle, and they all placed their hands on small pillars that jutted in front of them. The room became so quiet you could hear a pin drop, as they all waited for Pein's order. He opened his eyes, and nodded. They focused, and sent their chakra down the pillars. Blue light flooded down them, and into the floor. The chakra made lines in the floor, cracking the very stone itself. The blue energy inched past Hidan and Sasori, and sent it up to Pein and Itachi.

Itachi's eyes changed, into the three wheeled sharingan. Peins rinnegan flashed, and suddenly a rush of air erupted from the Gedo statue.

Itachi and Pein staggered, but didnt stop. Hidan began saying some Jashin ritual that was inaudible over the rushing air.

Itachi's eyes began bleeding, and he was forced down to a knee. He closed his left eye, and put his hand over it. Warm blood coated his palm, and he grimaced.

Pein looked at Itachi, with strain present in his face.

"Itachi! We can't do this without your Sharingan!" He yelled, "We need you!"

Itachi's eyes snapped open, and he awakened the Mangekyou. Slowly, he gritted his teeth, and got to his feet. He let out a roar and the Gedo chakra left the statue.

Tobi made rapid hand signs, and a swirl began at the hole in His mask. Air rushed to the void beginning, and the chakra began to take form. Just… the wrong form.

The blob of blue energy swirled, and began to stretch. Four, no, five parts of it extended, and stretched out. The front of it grew out, and formed a…head! Two points came out atop it, and formed little ears.

It appeared to be a gigantic blue cat, made out of chakra. It looked down at the Akatsuki, and flashed a brilliant blue light. Suddenly, the Akatsuki hideout was empty.

Myka POV:

_Five._

I fidgeted in my desk, fists clenched, eyes glued to the second hand. Friday afternoon, 2:29, five seconds until the bell, and I, like every other person in the classroom, am currently being screwed by a clock.

I hate this, those five freaking seconds when there is no place you'd rather be but seven steps down the stairs, running like a lunatic, on my way to the weekend!

_Four._

God, they feel like four _hours. _Scratch that, four _DAYS!_ That may just be the PMS talking thought.

Right sorry, I'm getting off topic. I should probably tell you guys what I look like, huh? My name is Myka Cohen. I'm around 5'4" and about average looks and curves. I have long blond hair, with some strawberry highlights I put in a line in the front. I had on a tight blue spaghetti strap, and some shorts.

_Three._

I live with my sister, because my mom and dad are always on business trips. Missy's nice, but she really outshines me. She's nineteen, so she can do all the cool things like drive, and stuff, while I'm stuck at six-friggen-teen. She's really athletic and good at softball, which, of course, happens to be our favorite sport. And of course, she looks like a supermodel. She has loose curls in her brown hair, and is around 5'7", which is perfect supermodel height. She has great curves, and looks amazing. She always has guys drooling over her, but she isn't a jerk about it.

The funny thing is that she's oblivious as to how perfect she is, which makes it even more annoying.

So, like I said, I'm, WHOA THE CLOCK CHANGED. TWO SECONDS UNTIL SCHOOL ENDS.

I started mentally preparing a checklist of all the stuff I was going to do when I got home. It's kinda sad that practically all of it involved Naruto. The anime, the manga, the games, I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED all of it!

My friends might tell you that I'm a fangirl. Well, that's not true. I'm only a fangirl of the Akatsuki. When it comes to them, I'm a hyper-fangirl!

Especially Itachi. He's so hot… I mean cool! Cool! He's so cool!

Okay yes, I do kind of have a thing for Itachi, but he's just a fictional character. I really do need to move on with my life.

_One. _

I looked out the window, and tried to see my apartment building. I peered through the glass, and saw that the rain had stopped. The sky was grey, and everything was damp and wet.

_Zero._

I was out the door and halfway down the stairs before the bell even rang. I ran like a friggin lunatic, so eager to be out of school, I actually ran into Jess.

Jess is one of my two friends. She has brown hair, with platinum-blond streaks running through. Her nose is dotted with freckles, but not so much as to be unattractive. She wore her trademark, "Avenged Sevenfold" tee shirt, and some faded skinny jeans.

Jess is kind of like a girl Hidan, without the crazy Jashin obsession of course. That was why she was his fangirl, but she also liked the other Akatsuki.

We slammed into each other, and fell flat on our backs. I sat up, and rubbed my head. Jess moaned and got up.

Then we remembered why we were running, and jumped up and down squealing, "It's the weekend!"

Suddenly, Lynsey tackled me from behind. I staggered forward, as she yelled, "Weekend!"

Lynsey looks kind of like a Barbie doll. Straight blond hair, put up with a headband and tan skin. She's kind of pretty, but she's the resident dumb blond of our group. She had really clear skin, and a blinding white, ever present smile. She had a orange tank top and surfer shorts, with flip flops.

She hopped off, and we all asked, "What do we do first?!"

"It's the weekend, we can do anything!" I said.

"Really?" Lynsey said, "Can we go to Italy? Or Japan? Or Italy?"

*insert faceground*

"Anything inside New York, stupid." Jess said, grabbing her in a headlock.

"Lets go!" I said, walking into a door.

I shook myself off, aware of Jess and Lynsey sniggering. I pushed open the door, and we all charged off.

**Aaaaaaand cliffhanger! Cut, print, you're beautiful! In chapter two, i tie all this together. I really hope you guys liked it. For all you haters out there, if you didn't like it, could you please just comment on what you think would make it better, and not spew useless hurtful things? Please leave comments with ideas for the next chapter, I'd really appreciate this. **


	2. Completly normal kittens

**Chapter two: completely normal kittens.**

**_Guess what time it is kids!? Its Shark Week! The special time of year that we all pay homage to the amazing oceanic predators! That's why I am dedicating this chapter to all you sharks out there reading! This is the second chapter that ties together the first chapter. This is also the chapter that also screws the Akatsuki. MUAHAHAHA! I also got an editor! Everyone give the warmest welcome that we can't hear to. . . MickDunD! He will leave comments on certain things that he finds humorous, so you could probably just ignore them. Or you could read them. Nah, just ignore them._**

**_By the power vested in me, I do disclamith that I own nothing!_**

**Myka's POV**

As we walked home, we got into a heated discussion about the Akatsuki squads.

"Itachi and Kisame rule!" I told Jess, who was being stubborn as usual.

"Are you serious?!"She said, "the zombie combo would have them halfway to hell before you could say, 'Sharingan'!"

"Oh really? How come?!" Lynsey asked.

"Well, for one, Hidan is immortal, and Kakuzu has five hearts, which means you have to kill him five times!"

"That's so not true!" I snorted, "All Itachi has do is cast them in a Tsukiyomi and Kakuzu is punching out his own hearts, and Hidan is twitching on the floor!"

"Yeah, and Kisame has samehada, so he could take away their chakra while Itachi screws with their heads!" Lynsey put in.

"Sharingan." I said, and slapped a high five with Lynsey. We got kinda bitchy when we talked about the squads.

Jess snorted and mumbled, "So what are we doing when we get home?"

Jess and Lynsey live across the hall from me, so we're like neighbors. Actually, more like constant house guests since they have keys. Most of the time, they just walk in, sit down, and we start talking. It's nice to be so close to friends, but not so nice when Jess steals our groceries.

"Maybe we could have a dance competition?" I suggested.

"And then watch Naruto!" Lynsey said.

Sounded good to me. We walked along the sidewalk, fangirl-yammering about whatnot, when I let out a small squeak mid-sentence.

Now, there are a few things that I am crazy passionate about, and that's anime, my friends, and cats. And I just saw the most adorable thing ever: a kitten. A little black kitty cat, just sitting there, looking lonely.

I just love black kitties! Ever since I first saw one, I always squeal whenever I see one. But this one was so cute, so innocent looking, I almost fainted.

"Hello?" Lynsey said, as she waived a hand in front of my face.

"Hey! Will you stop zoning out any tell us what you're looking at?!" Jess said, flicking the back of my head.

"Kitten." Was all I could say. My brain had shorted out. SO. CUTE! LIKE, BRAIN OVERLOAD CUTENESS!

"KITTY!" Lynsey said, and ran forward. The little black cat looked in our direction, and then scampered away. We gave chase, and I overtook it. I sprinted as fast as I could, and finally caught it. I scooped up the kitten, and cradled it in my arms.

"Aww, what a cutie!" Lynsey said as she caught up. Jess walked up, and scratched him on the ears, as I glomped the little black cat. (**Glomped means to lovingly attack hug someone, for those who don't speak anime. A glomp is often predatory and lies somewhere in the grey area between a caring embrace, and a flying leap to tackle someone.)**

It squirmed, and struggled, as I hugged it. It looked up at me as if I was some sort of annoyance that would go away if it didn't think about it.

"Hey guys!" Jess whisper-yelled. I looked over to her, and saw a small, silver/white kitten walking up to her, with a forced innocent look. It looked like it was up to no good.

Jess bent down, and said, "So CUTE!"

At that, the cat jumped onto her face, and dug its claws into her. Jess began stumbling around, yelling curses, as the cat attempted to maul her.

"Aww, Jess is playing with the kitty!" Lynsey said, obliviously.

I looked back to her, to ask what the heck, but then I saw another kitten, climbing a tree. It was a wired shade of…blue? What kind of cat it blue? It looked to be about the size of a regular sized cat, but it was actually a kitten judging from the fur.

It appeared to be a friend of the black one, because it jumped off the tree and tried to attack me.

Luckily, Lynsey snatched it out of the air, and hugged it. "I want a kitty too!" She said, as she squeezed it.

"Want mine?" Jess asked, annoyed, holding the silver kitten. It appeared none too happy to be held, and was complaining.

"Aww come on, Jess! He's cute." Lynsey said.

"Yeah, I guess so." Jess said, and hugged the kitten, "MYKA, STOP KILLING THE CAT!"

I looked down and saw the little black kitty being suffocated by my chest. It's little kitty eyes bugged out, and began frantically squirming. I held it lower, and it breathed again.

It was so warm, and so small, it was adorable. I began to squeeze it again.

Suddenly, it freed itself of my death grip, and scampered away.

"Hey!" I said, and chased. The kitten was fast, but seemed very disoriented to running on all fours, like it had just started. God, if I lost this homeless little black kitty, I'd never forgive myself! I ran down a fenced lane, splashing in puddles, until I rounded the bend, and came to a complete stop.

Huddled together for warmth, were about seven little kittens, all different shapes and sizes. There was one that was orange, with little black dots on its face. Another was a cloudy light blue, with one white patch on the ear. One was black, with an orange face. Another was light yellow, and really poofy. There was my little black kitten, and one that was half white, and half black. The last was brown, with little black lines covering it, like stitches.

I had the distinct feeling that I had seen them before somewhere. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Meh.

Jess and Lynsey rounded the corner, and stopped next to me. Their kittens jumped out of their arms, and ran over to the group. When we approached, three of them broke off from the group, and hissed kitty-warnings.

"What do we do?" Lynsey asked.

"We take them home." I blurted out.

"What!?" Jess exclaimed.

"What? "I covered, "they're so cold, and they're probably homeless! We should take care of them!"

"Yeah! Mykas right!" Lynsey said, her mind made up.

Jess thought for a second, but she took one look at the kittens, and folded, "Okay, lets take them home."

"Yay!" Lynsey said.

I unslung my backpack, and opened it up. I reached down, and picked up the black one and put him in the bag. The blue one jumped at me again, but Lynsey snatched him. The silver one protested greatly for Jess stuffing him in her bag, but mewled when she scratched his ears. We found a cardboard box, and put the rest in it. We grabbed it, and awkwardly stumbled along the sidewalk.

With a bit of difficulty and many meows of protest, we finally carried it up to the apartment. We walked in, and looked around. Missy didn't appear to be around. Perfect.

We waddled into the living room, and we dropped the box on the floor.

The first thing I did was open up my bag. I tilted it so my papers and pencils flooded out until finally my little black kitten tumbled out.

It tried to scamper away, but I glomped him. It was so fluffy and cute; I swear that I was fangirling. I cradled it in my arms, and kissed it on top of its head. Its tail flicked angrily, and it's ears flattened to the back of its head.

It looked like Lynsey and Jess were having fun with the kitties too. The blue one looked as if it were really embarrassed about what was happening. The silver one looked like it was about to tear out Jess's throat.

I tickled the kittens belly, making it relax. It looked up into my eyes, and mewled. I nuzzled its soft fur, and swooned.

"Hey Myka!" Missy's familiar voice said, "Back from school?"

She walked in, and said, "What the?"

"Missy, I can explain, just let me say…" I began but she reached down and took the black kitten from me.

"He is so ADORABLE!" She gushed, and hugged it.

Now I know that the kitten couldn't breathe NOW, because Missy has really big boobs.

"You guys got kittens?" She asked, excited, "that's great!"

"Um, yeah!" I said, "We did! They're really cute, right?" I said, trying to take the kitten back.

Missy bounced him lightly, his head coming up for air, before she squeezed him again. "So what's in the box? More kittens?" She asked.

Before we could stop her, she opened up the top, and gasped.

"How many kittens did you get?" She asked.

"Um, eight?" I said.

"Nine." Jess corrected. Thanks, Jess.

Missy looked at me sternly, and I said, "What? They were homeless, and cold! What did you expect me to do?"

She sighed, "I guess you had no choice. Okay, we can keep them."

"Yes!" I said, fist pumping.

"So what's this little guys name?" Missy asked me, nuzzling the kittens head.

"Um, we don't have names yet." I said, "lets give them some!"

I looked at the black kitten, and thought hard, "we'll this one is black, so he can be shadow."

Missy giggled, holding the kitten loosely, "okay, shadow."

Jess lifted up the silver one, and said, "this little guy can be snowball."

Snowball responded by flinging kitten curses at Jess. Shadow recoiled at the mewling, but I don't thing it effected Jess that much.

"And he can be guppy!" Lynsey said, holding the blue cat. The kitten's ears perked up, and then it clenched its eyes shut, as the other kittens sniggered. **(Ya think Hidan would stop cursing to laugh?) **

"This guy can be leopard, because of his pattern!" Jess said, holding the orange kitten.

"She can be cloud!" Lynsey said holding up the other blue kitten. **(Thats the best way to piss off Konan.)**

"Jigsaw!" Missy said, indicating the brown cat.

"Blondie!" I said, pointing to the yellow one. **(Deidara is thinking if all the ways to blow her up right now.)**

"Tangerine?" Jess pointed to the one with the orange face. **(Tobi is a fruity boy!)**

"And Klondike!" Missy said for the black and white one.** (Hahahahahahaha!)**

The cats all looked like they were going to have seizures. Snowball still hadn't stopped meowing, and guppy was currently trying to tear Lynsey's face off.

Shadow was frantically trying to pull himself away from Missy. She took no notice, and continued to hold him.

"So what should we do now?" She asked.

"Maybe we could stop suffocating shadow?" I said.

"Oops!" She said, and gave him to me. I cradled the poor creature, and felt him gasp for air. He didn't even have enough energy to struggle.

"We could have a dance battle!" Lynsey suggested. **(Yeah, that's a good idea. Sexy dance moves+pervert cats=nosebleeds!)**

"Sure!" We said, and turned on the music.

**_Yeesh, long chapter. I have too much time on my hands. Anyway, I want muchos reviews and comments. Please? If not for me, for shark week?_**

**_All I want for shark week is a lot of comments!_**

**_Peace out, guys. _**


	3. Of course you realize

**_Wazzup rockers!_**

**_This is the third chapter of my extremely boss fanfic! And by extremely boss, I mean not at all! With me as always, MickDunD, my fanfiction editor and mentor! He is leaving little comments here and there in bold, so they should make this a lot more comical. Or annoying. Hopefully both. By the way, sorry this is so late. i just went on a vacation, and saw sharks, and. . . yeah. . ._**

**_We last left our unfortunate kitten hero's at the mercy of four teenage fangirls! Dum-dum-dummm! Lets see how this plays out!_**

**_(P.S. I got killer bee to make me a disclaimer today!) _**

**_HEY FOOLS! _**

**_THIS IS A FANFIC, ABOUT WHAT I DONT OWN,_**

**_FROM THE NARUTO GUYS, IT'S SIMPLY A LOAN!_**

**_THIS RAP IS SO NO ONE CAN BE BLAIMIN'!_**

**_MY NAME IS KILLER BEE, AND I BEE DISCLAIMIN'!_**

**_FOOLS, YA FOOLS!_**

**_Third person POV_**

When the girls finally left, the cats all came in together. Their fur was ruffled, and nobody was particularly happy. Except Tobi.

"Tobi is a fluffy boy, Deidara-senpei!" He said, prancing around in a circle. **(Well, at least he's saying something different.)**

"Shut up, and be fluffy somewhere else, Hmm!" The blond cat said.

Konan and kisame walked over to itachi, who was on his back, in a spread-kitten.

"Are you okay, itachi?" Konan asked.

"You know, I always thought I would die in battle." Itachi said in a daze and obviously not himself, "Not stuffed between a woman's breasts."

"That's how I want to go out." Kisame joked. Konan scratched him.

Pein called order, and said, "Now, I know you must have many questions, but they will all be answered in turn."

"Here's one." Hidan said angrily, "WHY THE FUCK ARE WE CATS?!"

"I don't know, Hidan." Pein said, "But our top priority is to return human."

"And when I get human, I'm sacrificing those bitches to Jashin!" Hidan said.

"Shut your swear-hole." Kakuzu said, "…Snowball."

"GAAHHHH!" Hidan yelled, banging his head against a chair leg.

"Pein, I noticed something." Itachi spoke up, "My Sharingan didn't work on them."

"Neither did my Rinnegan." Pein said, "It appears that in our cat forms, we have no access to our jutsu."

"HEY ITACHI! WHY WAS THAT BITCH STUFFING YOU IN HER RACK?" Hidan asked.

"Shut up." Itachi said, a little emo cloud hovering over his head, "Snowball."

Hidan slammed his head into the chair again.

"Hidan has a point." Pein said, "Two of the girls seemed especially interested in you. That makes you our best weapon against them. From now until we turn back human, you all will have to act like cats."

It took a full three seconds for everyone to think about what kind of drugs Pein was taking.

"HOW?" Kakuzu asked, his tail flicking and hitting his head, "This whole thing is just annoying, I'm about five seconds away from killing Hidan and WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT?!" Hidan raised an eyebrow as the shinobi yelled at his tail for hitting him. Kakuzu grabbed it, put it on the floor, and stomped on it, forgetting that it was a part of his body."

"I don't know, act cute and cuddly." He said, over kakuzu's yelp of pain.

"CUTE AND CUDDLY?!" Hidan exploded, "THE BITCH NAMED ME SNOWBALL!"

"I do not care." Pein said, "Try your best."

"Hn." Itachi said.

"Leader-sama!" Tobi piped up, "Tobi has to go to the potty!"

Pein sweat-dropped. They had no idea what a "Litter box" was, and they were too short to use the toilet.

"Go in there, yeah." Deidara said, nodding his head at a pair of shoes. Before Pein could say no, Tobi was already bent over one of the shoes, relieving himself. Konan shot Deidara a glance that said he'd take the heat for that later, as Kisame rounded the bend, running frantically.

"Here they come!" Kisame said.

The girls rounded the corner, and instantly, Tobi pranced up to them.

"Tobi is a good boy!" He said, rolling over on the carpet. The girls all made some sort of annoying-high pitched noise, as if that were cute.

The rest of the members all moved in, doing different, awkward things that would be considered cute. Hidan sat in front of Jess, and said, "Hey bitch, pay attention to me!"

Kisame laid on his back and let Lynsey tickle his belly. Kakuzu began slapping Hidan around, which wasn't exactly cute, but it was funny.

Itachi hadn't moved an inch. He just stared straight ahead, a small emo cloud hovering over him.

Pein called over to him, angrily, "Itachi! What did I say!"

"Meow." Itachi said.

"ITACHI!" Pein yelled.

"Purr." Itachi said, and rubbed against myka's leg. That was apparently insanely kitten like, because myka instantly glomped the poor Uchiha. Itachi shot Pein a death glare, and twitched his ear.

"Hey, you know, Shadow kinda looks like Itachi-kun." Missy said, scratching him on the head. Suddenly, Itachi stopped struggling, and everyone faced missy.

"Yeah, they kind of look like the Akatsuki." Jess agreed, "Snowball could be Hidan."

They laughed, and Lynsey said, "Okay! Lets dance, sistahs!"

They released them, and approached the television. As they fiddled with the Xbox, Pein said, "This is an odd development."

Kisame and Hidan were practically falling on the floor, laughing. "Itachi-KUN!" They teased, as Itachi sulked.

"Not that!" Pein snapped, "They knew about the Akatsuki, and even mentioned several of our members by name. This is a catastrophe. Who knows how much they know?"

"We should make sure they don't learn any more." Kisame said, grinning.

"That means we sacrifice them right?" Hidan asked.

"No." Pein said, "Nobody harms them until we know the extent of their knowledge."

"Hey, hmm!" Deidara called, "Check this out!"

They all turned to the front of the room, and saw the girls dancing to, "Lift me up" by Kate Vougurd. This, of course, captivated most of the male members because the moves are…well, for the sake of keeping this a "T" fanfic, lets say suggestive.

Myka looked over her shoulder, and saw the kittens staring at them, with little nosebleeds.

"You are such perverted kittens!" She said, laughing. She noticed Konan beat deidaras head with her paws, apparently disgusted.

Finally, at the end of the song, they collapsed on the couch, breathing elevated.

"Yes!" Jess said, "High score! Suck it, bitches!"

Kakuzu couldn't resist. "Sounds like a good match for you, eh, Snowball?"** (a female Hidan...Jashin-sama forbid)**

"THATS IT!" Hidan yelled, "PREPARE TO MEET JASHIN!" He tackled Kakuzu, and they rolled around on the floor, clawing and biting each other.

Jess looked up, and said, "Hey! Catfight!" **(...'s are illegal so break it up and someone plug up Kisame's nose before we drown!)**

Myka glanced back, and saw the fighting. "Stop them!" Jess and Lynsey jumped up and pulled the two apart. They struggled to hold the thrashing cats, as they swiped their claws.

Myka sighed. It looked like taking care of these cats would be harder than they thought.

**_Man, she has no idea. In the next chapter, I add in two more OC's. they're mainly there for comic relief, but one will win the heard of a certain bluenette. I actually modeled them after my brother and I, so if they're dicks a lot, you know why. _**

**_Anyway, read and review, and remember! A comment a day keeps Zabuza at bay!_**

**_Peace out guys. _**


	4. This means war

**_Hidan: what's up, bitches?!_**

**_Wolfboy117 couldn't make it today, so ill be fillin' in for him! We got a great chapter today, but first we'll have a prayer from the Jashinist bible, and reading from the sacred commandments. _**

**_Kakuzu: Hurry the hell up!_**

**_Hidan: OW! OW! OKAY, YOU DONT HAVE TO… OW! WEOWNNOTHINGABOUTNARUTOORTHEAKATSUKIORANYTHING, ENJOY!_**

**_by the way, when the cats talk, nobody but cats understand them._**

**_Myka POV_**

The day more or less carried on like that. Shadow was constantly under assault, from me and missy. At this point we were practically fighting over him. it wasn't MY fault Missy was so clingy. Snowball was pretending to protest, but really enjoying sitting in Jess's lap and being petted. Guppy was forced to play with Lynsey, in some demeaning game she called snatch.

"Hey, Mykes" jess said to me, "I got a new naruto Xbox game! i can get it and-. . . OKAY, WHOEVER CRAPPED IN MY SHOES IS GOING TO GET FIXED!"

"but Tobi isnt broken." tangerine said.

"that means she'll cut your balls off, hmm!" Blondie said, wisely taking several steps away from jess.

Tangirine considered this, looked between his legs, and up at jess. he scrambled after Blondie, yelling, "Tobi is a sorry boy! help me, Deidara-senpai!"

As Lynsey grabbed the running blue kitten and cuddled him, the doorbell rang. She opened it, and said, "Hi guys!"

Everyone looked up, as my brothers, Aiden and Jayden, walked into the room.** (Okay, How many siblings does this chick HAVE?)**

Okay, maybe they're not my ACTUAL brothers, but i think of them like that. They seem normal, except for the very odd fact that the two boys looked pretty much the same. (They're fraternal twins, by the way) Jayden had hazel eyes, and short brown hair, that he brushed to the side. Aiden had blond hair that he covered with a hat, and cadet blue eyes. Aidens skin was tanned, and his brothers was paler. They seemed to be about 6 feet, but they looked young. They were both handsome, too. like, Ryan Sheckler handsome. (Look him up) **(If they really look like Ryan Sheckler, then move over Itachi!)**

Aiden wore his hat backwards, and a white long sleeve which he rolled up to his forearms. He had a pair of tan cargo pants on, and skate shoes.

Jayden wore a blue shirt that said, "Shark week" on it. He wore some jeans, and sandals.

I got up, and hugged each of them. "What're you doing here?" I asked them, "Got something to sell?"

"How'd you guess?" Jayden said sarcastically, and they whipped out a big cat bed. "Twenty bucks."

"Hey!" I said, plopping shadow down in it, "How'd you know?"

"Oh, I don't know." Aiden said, "Maybe the whole genius thing."

Jayden and Aiden are what you'd call evil geniuses. They both have IQs of 170, which is beyond genius level for those of you who don't speak nerd. They could be making the new iPhone, or designing a bridge. Instead, they make money off Aidens skateboarding, and Jayden's skateboard designs. they use their knowledge for pranks, and damn are they good at them. The stupid thing is that they're both just happy-go-lucky seventeen year olds, living by themselves.

"Actually, missy texted us." Jayden admitted.

"OH really?"I said, head locking the both of them.

"Gahh." Aiden said, "Fine, ten." **(Ah, younger brother-like figures, gotta love them...)**

"Done." I said, and we put down the cat bed.

Aiden sat down on the couch, and cloud hopped into his lap. He smiled, and scratched her behind the ears. She began purring, and nuzzled in for a nap.

"Who's this little guy?" He asked me, petting her.

"Cloud." I said, "And that little guy's actually a little girl."

"Meh." He said, petting her.

"Check out this fluffy little guy!" Jess said, showing snowball to Jayden.

"That's not fluff, that's fat." He said. Snowballs ears perked up, and it's face contorted into an expression that looked like, "WHAT did you call me?!"

"Anyway, we gotta head out." Aiden said gingerly putting cloud down.

"Yeah, we got money to spend." Jayden said.

They headed for the door, and cloud followed them. Aiden turned around, and laughed.

"Dude, I think your cat likes me." He picked her up, and Jess took her from him.

"Ooooh!" She teased, "Looks like Aiden has a giiiiirl-frieeend!"

"Hilarious!" He said, sarcastically.

As they turned to go, snowball leapt from Jess's arms, and onto Jaydens head. He began clawing and tearing at the seventeen year olds head. Jayden hollered and stumbled around, prying the cat off his face.

Aiden did the natural brother response: he laughed. When Jayden had pulled snowball off, he actually tossed snowball onto Aiden face. Apparently, Aiden didn't think it was so funny on the other end of the cat.

When they had finally dislodged snowball, they put him of the floor, and looked for whoever had "thrown" him. Their eyes fell on Jess.

"YOU!" Jayden yelled, giving her a death glare.

"You have the nerve to prank US?!" He yelled, dramatically, "That tears it! Of course you realize that THIS means WAR!" **(Ohhh! NOW I get the names of the third and fourth chapters!)**

Jayden and Aiden both stormed out, grinning, no doubt about some prank they would play. Jess looked genuinely scared, and I said, "Relax, they aren't really mad."

"What? But…" she said.

"Don't worry, they probably already forgot." I said, petting shadow.

**_Yeah, that's gonna happen. Expect a prank, people!_**

**_Kinda a short chapter, eh? Well, im insanely tired right now, and actually typing in class. Read and review, storyline comments, blahblahblah, who cares?_**


	5. Cat-astrophie

**_Hey guys! This new chapter took me a while, but I think you'll like it. (pairings are revealed, people get hurt, and other such things)_**

**_I hope you like it, yadda yadda yadda, you guys don't even read these, do you? Well, while we're here, how about a joke?_**

**_This fanfiction is coming along really well. _**

**_HA HA HA HA HA! XD_**

**_I own nothing. I am a hobo with a computer. And, you now, a house and stuff. But I don't own naruto. L_**

**_Third person POV_**

"Hidan, what did I tell you?!" Pein said angrily, " no humans are to be harmed."

"Yes, Pein in the ass, I heard you." Hidan said annoyed.

"Hey, Konan, are you okay, Hmm?" Deidara asked.

Konan was still staring at the door where the boys had left, a little heart fluttering off her mind.

"What? Yes, yes I'm fine." She said, coming back to reality.

Kisame walked over, and said, "I finally escaped from that Lynsey girl. I swear, if I had samehada…"

"Then you'd spend the day struggling to move it an inch." Kakuzu said.

"Tobi likes the girls!" Tobi said, "They pet Tobi!"

"Hn." Itachi said, bleakly. He had had enough physical contact in these past few days to last a lifetime. If he even saw those girls again in his life, it'd be too soon.

"We stick to the plan." Pein declared, "We act the part until we are human again."

And so they did.

They spent the week acting like kittens, which was easy for Tobi, and Konan whenever Aiden was around. Itachi was tormented by myka and missy, as kisame and Hidan were forced not to kill Jess and Lynsey. The rest of them mostly stayed away from them for as long as they could before Pein barked orders. However, he was the one who stayed the farthest from them.

Finally, the week had almost come to an end.

They had been bombarded with pranks every day. Exploding soda cans, disassembled chairs, custard cream in the pillowcases, all courtesy of the Ivanovich brothers, Aiden and Jayden.

Finally, the girls all sat on the couch, watching a movie. Itachi sat in Myka's lap, trying to sleep. Hidan was sprawled on Jess's lap, getting his tummy scratched. Kisame was sitting next to Lynsey, just barely putting up with her. The rest of them were sprawled out on the couch.

There was a knock on the door.

"It's open!" Missy called.

"Hey guys!" Aiden and Jayden said, walking in.

Konan immediately jumped off the couch, and rubbed against aidens leg. He picked her up, and said, "What's going on?"

"Watching a movie." Missy said, "You guys done with the prank war, huh? We haven't seen you all day."

"Yeah, we gave up." Jayden admitted, pulling out a phone.

"Eh, you guys wanna watch too?" Myka asked.

"A movie?" Aiden asked, "You know what they say. Can't watch a movie without a little POPCORN!" **(INSTANT RIDICULOUSNESS!)**

When he said that last part, Jayden pulled out a remote thing and twisted a knob. Suddenly, the couch seemed to explode, launching everyone on it into the air. The kittens clawed at the air on the way down, Hidan latching onto jess as they fell. They all hit the floor, rubbing parts of them that got hurt. **(This is what is known as getting popcorned. You put an airbag under the cushion on a couch or something, and then when someone sits down, you twist a dial and they are launched into the air. Not only does it hurt when you land, but all that air and concussive force shoots right up through your ass and into your stomach. The only way to escape a popcorn is to turn and pucker.)**

Aiden and Jayden were laughing their asses off, pointing, and saying "say hello to the Internet, guys!"

They put down Konan, and ran, as missy chased them.

"Dammit, guys! You are so dead!" She yelled.

Pein rolled off his back, and Konan helped him up. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"I was just launched several feet in the air, straight to my back." He said. ** (Oh no, Pain's in pain! HAHAHA!)**

"You're fine." She told her partner.

"Man, I hope missy catches them." Myka said, picking up Itachi.

"Yeah, then they'll be sorry." Jess said, pulling Hidans claws out of her one by one.

Kisame had used the opportunity to make a daring escape from lynsey, by getting flung to the top of the dresser. He was barely hanging on by his front paws, his tail swishing behind him.

"Guppy, come down!" Lynsey said, opening her arms as if that would reassure the S-ranked shinobi.

Kisame kicked his little legs, trying to get traction on the polished wooden dresser. His back paws slipped and slided, as he tried in vain to escape.

Lynsey stood up on the arm of the couch, and plucked him off the dresser. She held him, scratching his ears, unaware of the death glare he was giving her.

"Ow! Hey, watch it!" Aiden and Jayden said, getting pulled back into the apartment by their ears.

"You guys are going to get it now." She said, half joking, "What should we make them do?"

They all thought hard, thinking of the best ways to make the two boys suffer.

"We should make them wash the cats!" Myka said.

"What?! No!" Both boys said at once.

"Yes! You're going to give them a bath!" Jess told them.

"No way! There's no way you guys can make us!" Jayden said.

"Oh really?" Missy asked, using her big-sister aura.** (I hate that! It's like instant karma for karma, bitch!)**

"Fine!" Aiden said, slightly intimidated, "But you're helping!"

It took a while, but they finally rounded up all the kittens, and brought them into the bathroom. They ran the water, and when it was nice and warm, Aiden picked up Konan. She struggled, and he said, "Yeah, I don't like showers either, but you gotta get clean somehow." **(But taking a bath means you just sit in a tub of your own filth, sooo yeah might wanna rethink that one...)** With that, he placed her in the water. Right when the water hit her, there was a puff of smoke, and suddenly Aiden couldn't feel her fur in her fingers. He felt something smooth, and soft.

He curiously slid his hands up, and peered into the smoke. When it finally cleared, he knew what he was feeling. His curious expression changed to a insanely surprised one in a matter of seconds. He felt warm blood begin to flow out of his nose, and he blushed.

"Um…Missy?" He said timidly.

"Yeah?" She called from outside.

"Where did you find these cats?"

**_Oh, snap! Guess where his hands are! In the next chapter, basically, everybody learns that the kittens they've been tormenting for the past week are the akatsuki! Jashin help them!_**

**_Leave a comment for the storyline, and I will not kill you._**

**_Just kidding! (I'll kill you anyway)_**

Paste your document here...


	6. Say WHAAAAAA!

**_Hello! You have reached Wolfboy117. I'm not here at the moment, so please read the disclaimer after I censor Hidan._**

**_Hidan: what the f-_**

**_Me: BEEP!_**

**_I don't take credit for anything about Naruto, except for the crazy hi-jinks in this story._**

Third person POV

After they had plugged up aiden bloody nose, they dunked each of the kittens in the water, only to find that they had all turned into a person. More than that, their kittens had turned into the most realistic Akatsuki cosplayers they'd ever seen. Either that or they were the actual akatsuki! But that was impossible though, right?

Right? **(wrong!)**

It took a few minates of explaining, calming, and hlding people down before they realzed that they were the fo-real akatsuki. It seemed an impossible idea, but when your kittens turn into naked people before your eyes, you kinda start to accept anything.

After wrapping them all up in towels, they all sat in the living room. Well, everyone except Hidan. He was curled up on the floor, clutching his junk after he had asked missy if she was interested.

"So, you guys are telling me, you're the real akatsuki?" Myka asked interested.

"That's correct." Pein said.

"Hey, uh, listen," Aiden said, his face turning all the colors of a Care-Bear on crack, "Konan, right?"

"Yes?" she said, staring into his blue eyes.

"Uh. . . Right. . .I'm really sorry i. . .y'know, had my hands on your. . ." **(. . .on her TITTIES?!) ** he said, trailing off, "so. . .yeah. . . and, uh. . ."

"Its alright." She said, blushing also. They both turned away on that note, letting the heat in their faces vent.

"And this is the real Itachi?" Missy asked, naughtily scooting closer to the uchiha.

"Yes." Pein said, "But we have some questions of our own. How do you know our names? How do you know of our organization?"

"Well, you see, you guys are in an anime we watched called naruto." Jess said.

"The kyuubi jinchurachi?" Pein asked.

"That's the one." Jess said, "So we know all about you guys. We see your progress in the anime. We saw you guys capture the shakaku, and we saw sasori die, and…" but Pein raised a hand in silence.

"That answers those questions." He said, his rinnegan eyes turning on them, "Now give us a reason that we should not kill you."

The girls swallowed, but Aiden leaned forward. "Was that a threat?" He asked evenly.

"Yes." Pein said, "And you would be wise to heed it."

"And you would be wise to show a bit of respect for us. If it weren't for us, you'd all still be kittens."

The girls tried to motion for Aiden to stand down, but the young man wasn't looking at them. His eyes were burning holes in Pein's head, and his muscles tensed and ready for anything.

"Do you know who you're addressing?" Pein said, standing.

"Don't know, don't care." Aiden said standing also, "I just know that you're three seconds from having your ass kicked through the floor."

Pein didn't wait, and he lashed out with a punch. The punch connected, and Aiden fell to the floor. everyone gasped.

Everyone had fully expected Aidens head to have been punched off, but instead, he did a kip-up, and slammed his fist into Peins face. Pein was knocked back even further than he had knocked aiden. He stood, and wiped blood from his lip. He began frantically making hand signs, as aiden walked over to him, bristling with anger. Kakuzu stood up, but jayden pushed him back in his seat.

" almighty push!" Pein said, outstretching his hand.

Absolutely nothing happened.

Aiden raised an eyebrow, and said, " what?"

" my-my jutsu." Pein said stuttering, " it's gone!"

That surprised everyone. Pein couldn't make his signature jutsu. They all tried a jutsu, each without succession. Pein was on the verge of curling into a ball and sucking his thumb. Now how was he supposed to bring 'peace' to the ninja world? Luckily, It only took a few seconds until Itachi was able to deduce what was happening.

"We all had to use massive amounts of chakra to get the chakra out of the Gedo. The same thing that brought us here as kittens must be what's blocking our chakra also. We would barely have enough chakra for a transformation jutsu." He said, everyone shocked.

"Apologies, I am simply overwhelmed by-" Pein began, but Aiden said, "don't sweat it, we're good."

They sat down, and Aiden asked, "So, who's the Akatsuki?" He didn't watch the anime.

"They're a group of S-ranked criminals who capture jinchurachi's to drain their power and will try to resurrect the Biju, the ten tailed jinchurachi." Myka said.

"Is that supposed to make sense?" Jayden asked.

"Basically criminals." Lynsey said.

"Why didn't you just say that?" He asked. **(Because their idiots)**

"So you're telling me that they came out of a TV show, and came to our universe as kittens?" Aiden said, putting everything in perspective.

"It does sound far-fetched." **(I dont know why you think THAT'D sound crazy)**Konan said, putting her hand on Aidens, "But I can assure you that it is very true."

There was an awkward silence after that, as everyone was trying to understand what it was that Konan was doing. Aiden looked especially uncomfortable, his eyes darting from side to side while she looked at him.

"Well that was awkward!" Hidan piped up, saying the exact thing that everyone was thinking. **(No shit!)**

Missy wrapped her arm around Itachi, who looked at her puzzled, "What is that are you doing?" He asked.

"Fangirling." Jess answered.

"What?" Kakuzu asked.

"Fangirling." She said, "A fangirl is a girl who is really attracted to something or someone."

That just made Itachi look more uncomfortable. However, Deidara saw an opportunity. He said, "So, who's my fangirl? Come on! Who wants to see some art, hmmm?"

"Right, because girls are so into pyromaniac girly-men who blow crap up." Jess said, and everyone burst out laughing.

"Hey, Hidan! Jess is your fangirl!" Lynsey said.

Kakuzu practically jumped out of his seat. "I KNEW IT!"

"Oh yeah?!" Jess said, blushing, "Well Lynsey is Kisame's fangirl!"

Kisame looked down at the sixteen year old who was blushing a deep crimson, and he snorted.

Lynsey said, "Hey Itachi! Missy's your f-"

"I know." He said.

"What about this one?" Hidan asked, indicating myka.

"Probably tobi's, yeah." Deidara said. **(The things he does to get Tobi to leave him alone...)**

"OH BOY!" Tobi said, jumping up, "TOBI HAS A FANGIRL!"

"Yeeaaah." Aiden said, standing up, " well, I gotta to go."

"Where?" Myka asked.

"Umm…" he said, thinking for some obscure place, "away." **(nobody has made a better move in this entire fanficion. Get outta there, Aiden!)**

**_Boom! We're done! Okay, sorry this took a while guys, but as you know, I update this fanfic precisely when I feel like it. actually, im going BACK TO SCHOOL, DUM-DUM-DUMMMM! Now I have one more thing on my plate._**

**_ I know I portrayed Pein badly in this chapter, but I always saw Pein as arrogant. Sorry to his fangirls! This chapter kinda reveals all the pairings pretty well. I know the chapters have been pretty short. Sorry, ill fix that. If you have a question, request, or idea, please leave it in the reviews section._**

**_Peace out, guys. _**

Paste your document here...


	7. the fangirls

Paste your document here...

**_Chapter six: the FANGIRLS_**

**_Hey guys, it's me again._**

**_Sorry That this took a while to make, but I live off comments so… yeah. All kidding aside, though, I was kinda disappointed by the lack thereof. I mean, come on, my writing isn't that bad. _**

**_Whatever, I shouldn't be taking this personally. Just leave a comment, please. Please? For me? Pretty please with two eggs and a slice of bacon? _**

**_Disclaimer: I do not take ownership for the action of creating or being part of the associative staff for the following topic._**

**_Third person POV_**

Itachi sat on the couch, calmly, thinking about what would become of the predicament. They had just appeared in a new world of people, drained of all their chakra, and in the beginning form of kittens. they had happened across a group of pretty teenage girls, who apparently are fans of him and his fellow teammates. This was starting to sound like one of jiriya's novels. **(can you say, PG-13?)**

Suddenly, the girl they called myka flopped down on the couch next to him, and wrapped her arms around him. He sat there, awkwardly, wondering what behavior this girl was exhibiting. Had she been of legal age, he would've said she was drunk, or high.

"What is that you are doing?" He asked, monotone.

"Cuddling." She told him, burning her face in his shoulder. She had said it so plainly, it seemed like a normal occurrence to go up to a deadly, S-ranked shinobi with the Sharingan, and begin hugging them. What strange new world had they stumbled across?

Finally the twins brought over boxes of old clothes. Good thing too, some of the more perverted members began hitting on Missy.

"Hey there, beautiful." Deidara said, trying to put his arm around her, "Y'know, beauty is art, art is a bang. Beauty I-"

"-Want I bang you." Missy finished for him, "yeah, I saw that web comic."

Deidara raised an eyebrow, and walked away scratching his head. Hidan walked up, flexing his muscles noticeably. **(to all men reading this: don't try that, it doesn't work.)**

"Sup bitch?" He said, "It's almost time for my pleasure ritual to Jashin-sama. Maybe you'd like to join me?"** (Addressing women as "Bitch" often doesn't work either.)**

"Thanks for the offer," Missy said, reading a book, "but I really don't want to sacrifice my virginity to Jashin."

Hidan walked away, looking offended, and Zetsu walked up to her. She took one look at him, and said, "No.", going back to her book.

He walked away, an emo cloud covering his head. "**I told you we should've eaten her.**" Black Zetsu said.

She kept casting Itachi glances over her shoulder, flipping her hair or smiling at him whenever he'd look in her general direction. He, of course, was more preoccupied with not snapping the neck of the girl hugging him.

Aiden and Jayden dropped the boxes on the floor, and said, "Okay, guys, we got clothes for everyone! Five bucks each!"

"I like how you think." Kakuzu told the brothers.

"Really?" Missy said, head locking them again, "Five dollars seems AWFULLY EXPENSIVE!"

"Gah!" Aiden said, "Of course, you guys get the big sister discount!"

"That's better." She said, releasing them to sulk and rub their necks. She reached into the box, and picked out some jeans and a tight black V-neck. She walked up to Itachi, and sexily told him to put them on. Myka burned inside at her sisters advances to Itachi.

Itachi walked away with the clothes emotionless. **(this dude seriously has no idea how many fangirls he has in this world? I foresee a very rude awakening later on)**

Suddenly, all the girls realized that they had the opportunity to dress up the Akatsuki however they wanted. They tried to look contained, while really looking like they're about to throw up a rainbow.

"Here Hidan, try this on." Jess told him, giving him a pair of slacks.

"Why should I?" He said, and then sweatdropped at her glare.

"Okay, okay." He said, as a shirt caught his eye, "Whoa! Check that out!" He reached into a box, and pulled out a shirt that said, "I fuck on the first date."

"Cool, huh?" He said, as jess began thinking of a reason to tell him why he couldn't wear that. Jayden beat her to it.

"Uh, actually I need that." He said, swiping it.

"Dammit." Hidan said, and went to try in the slacks.

"Lynsey, this shirt doesn't fit either." Kisame said, walking back in.

"Looks fine to me." She said in her daydream voice.

"How? It doesn't cover my stomach." He said, as she stared at his abs.

"Try this one." She said, handing him another shirt.

He groaned, "I don't know why you keep giving me these, they seem smaller to me."

"Here, I found some clothes for you." Aiden told Konan, handing her skinny jeans, and a purple tank top.

"Thank you. These look very nice." She said.

"Yeah, try not to show missy, or she'll notice that they're missing." He said.

She began taking off her towel in front of him, and he covered his eyes. "What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to give me another nosebleed?!" He said, pulling her towel back up.

"No, I-" she began, but he said, "Go to the bathroom to change, okay?"

She walked down the hall, and Aiden tossed pain some clothes. By the time the whole ordeal was done, they looked upon the train wreck they had created.

Kisame wore a blue shirt that barely went over his waist with the word, "Jaws." On it. He had on some khaki shorts, with cargo pockets. Itachi wore the clothes missy set out for him, and a sullen expression at how tightly the shirt hugged his frame.

Hidan wore some black slacks and a shirt that had a grim reaper on it. He kept glancing down at it anxiously, muttering some nonsense about Jashin. Kakuzu had on dress chinos with a shirt that had a picture of Mr. Krabs on it. Jayden was still explaining all that the ragdoll had in common with the stingy crustacean, as Kakuzu listened with great interest every time Jayden mentioned money.

Zetsu was wearing some flower print shorts with a white tank top. He was sulking because they didnt have anything else that would fit him. Tobi had on a shirt with a lollypop, and some running shorts. Deidara had a picture of the atomic bomb on his shirt, with some bootcut jeans missy loaned him.

"Y'know, I'm surprised you guys had all these clothes of different shapes and sizes on hand." Myka said.

"Have you ever been to our apartment? We're pack-rats." They told her.

"Okay everyone." Pain addressed them, "we need a plan for where we will stay. Perhaps we could check into a hotel."

"No!" All the girls said at once, making everyone stare.

"We'll, you guys should stay here! We already know everything about you, and we can make sure you guys have everything you need!" Jess said, ever so quick on the lie, "plus you need money for a hotel."

Kakuzu promptly sat down on the couch, stretching.

"I could learn to like this place." he said, sighing.

"Why, un?" Deidara said, quizzically, "This place is so dammed small!"

"yes, but its so damn FREE!" Kakuzu said, spreading his arms as if advertising it.

Pain though this over, as Tobi began begging at his feet. He nodded, and said, "thank you, we will stay here."

"Wait, live here? With these sadistic bitches?" Hidan said. He began begging at pains feet also, asking him to, "Stoppit for Jashins sake!"

"Man up." Kakuzu told his partner, yanking him to his feet, "you can't die, remember?"

"Its settled. We'll stay here until we can get home." Pain said, and the girls high-fived.

"Okay, now we need to see where everyone will sleep." Missy said.

"We have four apartments among us." Myka said, "and six bedrooms."

"Waitasecond." Jayden and aiden said at the same time, "so now we aren't just giving stuff away, we're running a B&B?"

They didn't seem too friendly to the idea, but decided to shut up when given the death glare by the girls. **(don't laugh. Girls are scary as F #!)**

"Okay, there's nine shinobi, and six rooms…" missy said, thinking.

"We'll, if we double them up, maybe we could fit them in them all…" Jess said.

"Where would we sleep?" Myka asked.

They all began talking at once, causing Jayden and aiden to facepalm. This had been one crazy day.

**_Hidans POV_**

Stupid bitches.

They were arguing about where I was going to sleep. Apparently, none of them wanted to be anywhere near me when the lights went out. What did they think I was going to do? Rape is a sin!

Wait, is it rape if they like it?

The old miser Kakuzu seemed like he was having fun learning about all the new types of currency in this world, as if THATS what's important.

Hey, do they have Jashin here? Of course they do!

I still don't know why Lord Jashin allowed his most faithful follower to get sent to this fuckin' hellhole as a cat, shouldn't I go to paradise?

Not that I was doubting your infinite wisdom, jashin-sama! I was jut voicing that which I don't understand!

Nice fuckin' job, Hidan. Now you'll never get to paradise.

"Hey Hidan." The bitch named Jess said, "where do you want to sleep?"

"A bed? Maybe yours." I said, trying to be funny.

She didnt seem to appreciate my humor, "a bed, huh? How about a bed of NAILS!"

"Jeez, bitch, I was kidding!" I said, stepping back.

She walked away, and I sighed. Man, these bitches couldn't take a joke! How come Itachi got all the attention, huh? What's he got that I don't, childhood issues? That fuckin' uchiha.

Anyway, Konan-chan seemed to be very sexy-looking in that outfit the aiden guy gave her. She also seemed to be very interested in him, in a stalker-like, creepy way. I hoped to HELL that guy didnt reject her or we'd all be sorry.

I walked up to kisame, and we began talking about which ways we should kill them. That's the good thing about fish-fuck, he likes to kill almost as much as me. If only he were Jashinist.

"Too had we don't have our weapons." I said, "now how am I gonna make my ritual without my pikes?"

"And I don't have samehada." Kisame said, "most likely someone's recovered it by now, and I'll have to take it back."

I looked back, and saw that Jess-bitch staring at me. I had never revived that kind of stare before. Meh, maybe it was a new kind of death stare. That's the only stare I ever got.

Stupid bitches.

**_And I'm done. This chapter is longer because I split it between two POV. Sorry if I don't do a good Hidan, my brother is the Hidan for our Akatsuki group. _**

**_Ooh! In the comments section, guess which one i am!_**

**_Mmkay, later._**


	8. Annoyance

**_Chapter seven: Annoyance_**

**_Hey guys, how's life?_**

**_I want to let you guys know that I appreciate all the comments you've given me so far. If you have any questions from now on, please post them, and I will answer some right here. Also, a quick shout-out for MickDunD. Check out his page and his stories, they're top-notch! _**

**_DUUUHH, I no own naruto._**

**_Myka POV_**

I walked into the room, sitting down heavily. I was so excited. The real live akatsuki were in my house. This is like a dream come true! Or, now that I think of it, a nightmare.

Itachi-kun hadn't noticed me at all. I seemed to be an annoyance to him, someone he just had to deal with. It was so not fair, that he was actually here, in my house, but didn't even like me. Slippery weasel.

It also didn't help that missy kept on trying to seduce him. It seemed like she was trying to get him into bed or something. I had never had to fight over a guy before, especially with missy. The good thing was he seemed not to notice her either.

I still couldn't understand it. Why didnt he like me? Oh, yeah, because I almost suffocated him with my chest.

Kisame walked into the room, sitting down. When he sat, I bounced in the air, as the couch groaned at the weight of the shark man.

"Hi." I said, and he grunted dismissively. Jeez are all the members of the akatsuki this grumpy? I was talking to kakuzu a minute ago, and he almost attacked me when I mentioned the money he had lost back in the hideout.

"So, uh, how are you doing?" I asked awkwardly.

"Not so good." He said, "that lynsey girl is getting on my nerves."

"Yeah, she does that." I said, "but at least you two have something in common."

He looked at me with an expression that said he doubted that.

"You drain chakra, she drains patience." I said, making him laugh. Okay, it was possible to make them laugh. That's a good sign.

"So, made any progress with Itachi yet?" He asked, catching me off guard. Did kisame know I liked Itachi? No way, he wasn't the thinking type. He was the muscle-head of the squad, not the thinker, like Itachi-kun.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, and he gave me a pointed tooth grin.

"It's painfully obvious that you have a thing for him. My guess is you're his fan, correct?" He said, a chuckle escaping his raspy voice.

"If you tell him, I'll poke your eyes out with a coat hanger." I said.

"I won't." He said, "but tell me something."

"What?"

"This lynsey girl. What is she after?"

I thought for a minute, deciding not to tell him that she wanted to be his girlfriend, and said, "she just wants to have fun. She's your fangirl, so if she seems clingy, you know why."

"Thank you." He said, getting up, "we may not kill you after all."

He walked away laughing, but I was now officially scared.

**_Itachi's POV_**

I walked around the strange new place, inspecting it. There showed no remnants of weapons, ninja arts, or any types of conflict. Well, unless you consider missy beating the twins over the head with pillows conflict.

I walked along to the table, and found something disturbing. It appeared to be a small, plush doll of me. It had my Sharingan out, with the akatsuki cloak, and a kunei in my hand. It had the scent of perfume, and what appeared to be lip imprints with lipstick on the cheek.

My eye twitched, and I picked it up, holding it far from me. I carried it into the room where Myka sat, deep in thought. I walked over to her, and said, "what is this?"

She looked up, and her eyes widened. She seemed very embarrassed, which probably meant it was her's. she stood up, and took it from me, saying some form of apology, which was said too fast to be followed.

"I'm sorry, it's called a plushie, it's…" she said, and I asked, "is it yours?"

"What? No!" She said, blushing.

I looked at her, not impressed with her lying, and she hung her head. "Sorry." She said.

"What is the purpose of this?" I asked, hoping to a god I didn't believe in that it wasn't the reason I thought.

"You know," she said, "for nighttime? It makes me feel…safer, I guess? Like a teddy bear?"

"What?" I said, confused beyond rational thought, "a stuffed pillow makes you feel safer?"

"We'll…" she said, realizing the foolishness of the notion, "you've got a little kunai…"

I raised an eyebrow, and said, "I suggest that you sleep with a weapon, or get some combat training. That will help you sleep better, knowing you are prepared."

She sighed, "yeah, thanks."

I gave her the pillow, and began to walk out, when she said, "wait!"

"Yes?" I said, bored with the conversation already.

"Uh…I-it's nothing. Never mind." She said, walking away. Well, at least one fact did not change when I had come here: I still did not understand women.

I walked over to kisame, who was sniggering. I raised an eyebrow at him, realizing he had heard the entire exchange. I rolled my eyes, unimpressed with my partners childish attitude.

Suddenly, the girl named lynsey ran in the room, and jumped on kisame. He jumped, his ninja skills kicking in. He through his hand down, snatching her ankle. He pulled forward, yanking her down. He held her suspended above the ground from her ankle, upside down.

"Sorry." She said, the blood rushing to her head.

"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that." He told her, putting her down. She smiled at him, but kisame just seemed annoyed. He walked away, and she seemed down. It appeared that this girl was attracted to kisame, for some obscure reason.

"Why?" I said, not realizing I was thinking aloud until I had already said it.

"Why what?" She said.

"Why are you attracted to kisame?" I said, "most people think of him as a gross fish."

"Because it shouldn't matter what he looks like." She told me, "He is a decent person, who shouldn't be judged by what he seems to be, but what he actually is."

I was caught off guard by the girls answer, as I was previously under the impression she possessed no brains whatsoever. She had given a valid answer, one that I respected.

"Hn." I said, "it seems that you know what you're talking about."

She nodded, and I told her, "kisame takes a while, but eventually, he will warm to you. Be patient."

"What about you?" She asked.

"What about me?"

"Will you warm to people?"

Her question made me think. I was not the warming type. Most people couldn't stand me, because of what I had done to my clan. This isolation had caused me to shut off all my emotions, making me cold and distant. It had been a while since I had actually smiled, much less felt any feelings of love or endearment.

I decided not to answer the question, simply helping her to her feet. I walked out, and began surveying the house again.

**_Third person POV_**

"Okay, guys, this is the plan." Missy said, "we'll all take some members, and they will sleep at that persons house."

"Itachi, kakuzu and pain," missy said, "will sleep here. Hidan, Zetsu and Deidara will sleep at Jess's. kisame and Tobi will sleep at lynseys."

"What about me?" Konan piped up.

"Oh, yeah, we forgot." Missy said, "we can't put you in any of the houses with the guys, they might try something."

There were a few guilty looks around the circle, from various members.

"She can sleep at out place." Aiden said.

Everyone looked at aiden, giving him the evil eye. He rolled his eyes, and said, "don't worry, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Hmm…well, is that okay with you, Konan?" Myka asked. Konan nodded, and I was settled.

They all decided to go home, and show everyone to their spots. Lynsey lead them into her house, and showed them the furniture. She pulled out a couch bed, and Tobi instantly jumped on it.

"Ooh! Tobi likes the transforming couch!" He said, and instantly fell asleep.

"Where do I sleep?" Kisame asked.

"We'll, there's my parents room, but they might be home early." She said, thinking, "there's my room!" She lead the reluctant mist shinobi to her room. He walked in, expecting to see a solid mass of pink. However, he walked in, and saw a familiar sight.

The walls were painted blue, like the sea, with a surfboard mounted on the wall. She had some manga books everywhere, and a blue queen sized bed.

Kisame walked in, looking around, and she got on the bed. She pulled herself under the covers, her heart racing at the prospect of sleeping in the same bed as Kisame Hoshigaki.

However, kisame took a pillow from the floor, and lied down on the floor. She pouted, and shut off the light.

Jess opened the door to her house, and lead them all in. She told Deidara to take the couch, and Zetsu just fazed into the ceiling. Jess lead Hidan in, and opened the door to the guest room. She lead him in, and turned to him.

"Okay Hidan, I'm going to say this once." She said.

"At no point in the night are you to come into my room." She said, while thinking, _please come into my room._

"I am a virgin, and intend to stay that way." She said, thinking, _I love you, and wish you'd sleep in my bed._

"And if I wake up, and find you in there, I will castrate you, and hang you out the window by your hair." _I wouldn't mind if you came by._

"Jeez, bitch, I get it!" Hidan said, getting into the bed. Jess left, and went to her room, fantasizing about the white-haired Jashinist.

Aiden and Jayden walked in, yawning. Jayden said goodnight, and walked into his room. Aiden lead Konan into his room, and told her where the bathroom was.

"If you need me, I'm on the couch." He said, and began to walk out. She said, "thank you for extending me this kindness."

"No sweat." He said, closing the door behind him.

Finally, missy and myka told pain and kakuzu the options. They had a spare room, a couch, Missy's room, and myka's room. Pain said that he'd take the couch, and kakuzu opted for the spare room.

Itachi looked lost, and missy took his arm, "c'mon Itachi-kun. You can sleep in my room."

"Why do you get Itachi?" Myka asked her sister, angrily.

"Because my bed is bigger." She said, arguing, "besides, I have heat in my room."

"All the more reason that Itachi-kun should be in my room! Your room is way too hot!"

Itachi rolled his eyes, trying to resist mangakyo-ing the sisters. They argued, like two old ladies, and Itachi noticed Missy's grip tightening.

"We'll switch off." They agreed, "Itachi can be in my room, tonight, and then yours tomorrow."

Itachi was lead down the hallway, and into Missy's room. She laid down on the bed, patting the space next to her. Itachi, like kisame, took a pillow, and slept on the floor. Missy was upset, but she decided not to push it. She knew that sooner or later, like every other guy she knew, Itachi-kun would like her.

Right?

**_Okay, we're done! So, who knows which sister shall win the heart of everyones favorite weasel? If you have an idea, leave it in the comments section! In fact, I want everyone who's reading this to leave me a comment. The more comments I get, the faster I'll post the next chapter._**

**_Hehe, I'm evil!_**


	9. Forced to be fuzzy

**_Privet, tytovarich!_**

**_Anyone who didnt understand that should know that sometimes I randomly switch to speaking Russian, and I don't know why, but yeb vōs ē kraade menyā._**

**_Just kidding though. Anyway, I've decided to start answering questions posted. Here's some of them:_**

**_"Rasenshuriken113: hello my lord! I wondered if dei-chan will find love in this story?"_**

**_ To my disciple: if by dei-chan you mean Deidara, then I may be able to fit it in. Give me an OC idea, and I'll see what I can do._**

**_"Nastykiller123: dude, why r ur stories so dum? U don't update often, and u r so sarcastic!"_**

**_ Okay, first: that is the absolute worst pen-name I've ever heard. second: your grammar is atrocious. Third: I may not have been updating often, but that is because I have a life. While that may be a foreign idea to you, i have to juggle school, varsity wrestling, a social life, AND my fanfiction account. and fourth: if you don't like my stories, there's no obligation for you to read them. As Hidan would say, if you ain't a believer, get the fuck outta my temple._**

**_"MarkLee'sDog: I wanna do a sex on u!"_**

**_Flattering, assuming that you are indeed a woman. However, I am happily single, and would like to stay that way._**

**_Okay, so, that last one isn't a question, but I thought it was odd enough to be put up. If you guys have any ACTUAL questions/character ideas, you are welcome to post them, and I'll give them a look. If there's something you want to talk about, PM me, but if you give flames, I'll have to block you. _**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own nothin._**

**_Third person POV_**

After everyone had woken up, they realized that the akatsuki were already up. Itachi was meditating, his eyes closed. Kisame was taking a shower, delighted with the abundance of hot water. Hidan was praying.

Apparently, he was still immortal, because when Jess found him, he was laughing crazily in a pool of his own blood. After she had slapped him around, and dragged him unconscious to Myka's, they had all convened.

Myka had snuck up on Itachi, about to scare him, when he said, without looking back, "don't." She pouted, sitting next to him. She inspected his tight, muscular frame, as he meditated. He had his legs crossed, and eyes closed, his back arched and posture good. His pale, clear skin glistened in the morning sunlight, like dew.

"Was there something you wanted?" He said, still not looking.

"I-I was wondering how you slept." She said.

"Fine." He said, monotone.

_He slept fine,_ she worried to herself, _fine, in the same room with missy. If her previous relationships are anything like this, I'm sure Itachi would've slept 'fine'._

She shook her thoughts away. She had seen Itachi in action, and knew that he'd NEVER be like that. She stayed there for a moment, looking at him, until she crossed her legs, mirroring his position. She closed her eyes, trying to look professional.

She sat there for a few minutes, until she peeked out of the corner of her eyes. Her eyes snapped wide open, as she saw that Itachi wasn't there. She looked behind her, seeing that she was now sitting by herself in an empty room. She stood up, feeling stupid, and walked out to have breakfast.

Konan had stayed in Aidens bed for as long as she could keep patient. She didnt hear any movement in the apartment, meaning that she was the only one awake. She looked at the clock, seeing that it was ten in the morning.

She rolled over, hearing the bed springs moan under her weight. She sniffed the blanket, noticing the calm, mellow scent of it. It smelled like Aiden, she decided, like the easygoing, happy-go-lucky seventeen year old. She didnt know why, but she felt attracted to him. More attracted to him than she had been towards anyone in her life. Even more than…

A lump became present in her throat, refusing to go away no matter how hard she swallowed. She looked back at the clock, and asked herself if it was possible for the two brothers to STILL be sleeping. It was likely that they were just being kind to their guest, not moving from their respective places just as she had been doing for the past three hours.

Yes, that had to be it! They were just being considerate! Konan got up from her temporary bed, and walked to the door. She opened it, cheerily walking into the living room.

She looked back onto the couch, seeing Aiden sprawled across it, sleeping soundly. He was breathing deeply, and dreaming. He spoke, talking to someone in his dream.

"No, please." He mumbled, smiling, "not there. Not like that, Samantha."

He rolled over, snuggling a pillow, mumbling into it. Konan stood over him, looking down at him with a confused expression. He appeared to be having a dream about someone he knew, a Samantha. As Konan pondered this, a door opened, and Jayden walked out, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He walked in, and beheld what appeared to be Konan standing there, watching Aiden sleep. He stood there, wondering if this was to be perceived as stalker-like, as Konan began making excuses.

After everyone had woken up, and gotten dressed, they'd all gone over to Myka's. they all sat around, listening to them debrief.

"Okay, so we need to figure this out." Missy said, "how do we turn you all back into kittens?"

"What?!" Hidan exploded, regaining consciousness at her words, "We just got back to human! What the hell happened to you, bitch?"

"Hidan, she's right." Jess said, "We have to go to school now, and Jess has to get to NYU. We can't leave you guys here!"

"We'll no way, bitches, I'm staying human." Hidan said, slicking his hair back.

"For once, I agree with Hidan." Kakuzu said.

Nods and agreement came from around the group, as they all decided to stay human. The girls looked around, helplessly. They couldn't force the akatsuki to do anything they didnt want to! And even if they could, they had no idea how to make them Kittens again.

"Hey guys!" Aiden said, from across the room. They all turned, and he held up a small, blue kitten, with a tuft of white on the ear.

"Is that Konan?" Myka asked.

"Yeah, we found her like this when she went to take a shower." Jayden explained, "She got in, but we didnt tell her the hot water was out in our apartment. Then she turned this way."

Aiden scratched her ears, "I think that it's 'cause the HOT water made them human, so COLD water must make them kittens."

"Great!" Missy said, "now we just had to get you guys wet!"

"Uhh, did you not hear me?" Hidan said, "I ain't going back to a fucking kitten!"

"We thought you'd say that." Jayden said, and the twins pulled out water guns. They blasted the akatsuki with jets of ice cold water, soaking them to the bone. As the water touched their skin, there were poofs of smoke, as if for a transformation jutsu. Then, in their place, were a bunch of very wet, very angry kittens.

Myka grabbed Itachi, and huggled him. (It's a word my friend said to me, and she's a hyper fangirl. Don't ask.) he just looked annoyed again.

Hidan was attempting to murder the twins, but Jess had already scooped him up. She held him loosely, but firmly, as he tried to scratch her. She tapped his nose lightly, "Bad, Hidan!"

Kisame had an idea. Before lynsey could pick him up, he shook himself dry, the water droplets flying everywhere. Lynsey was now really wet, and angrily said, "That's for dogs! Not cats! Dogs!"

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Aiden asked, as Konan purred.

"You guys watch them." Missy said.

"What? Why?" Jayden asked.

"Because you guys don't have jobs. Or go to school." Missy told them.

"I do have a job!" Aiden said.

Jess rolled her eyes, "I seriously doubt watching some freaking kittens will interfere with being a skateboarder."

"Sorry guys, just please watch them." Myka said, packing her backpack. Soon, they were out the door, and the twins were alone with nine wet kittens. They sat down on the couch, and said, "Yo, you got the other one?"

"Yeah, man." Jayden said, and pulled out a small water pistol. He pointed it at Konan, and sprayed. The warm water in the pistol coated her fur, and made the poofing sound. Suddenly, a very wet, very naked Konan was sitting on Aidens lap. He looked bewildered as she tried to cover herself. Jayden tossed her a towel, and she covered up, getting up.

Aiden shook the odd thoughts out of his mind, and said, "okay, so they lose their clothes when they change. We should keep that in mind."

"Yeah, lets run a bath so we don't have to see Hidans junk." Jayden said, causing the white kitten to meow him out. The twin brothers put hot water on in the bathroom, and left the kittens in the room. They waited by the door, until they heard splashing, several poofing noises, and someone yell, "OW, THATS FUCKING SCALDING WATER!"

There was a smacking sound, and a deep voice saying, "grow a pair, snowball."

After the akatsuki had all covered their parts, they hunted about the house for clothes. Sadly, there wasn't enough to go around. Itachi was forced to go shirtless, as with Kakuzu, Kisame and Hidan, and Tobi was walking around in underpants with little ducks on them. The sad part was he had picked them out specifically because, "Tobi likes the little undie-duckies!"

"What am I supposed to wear, un?" Deidara asked. They looked around, there was nothing for the blond terrorist to wear. That would be a problem. They were not about to go the entire day with the risk of Deidara's towel slipping, and them finding out if he was actually a man or not.

"Hey, Deidara-senpai! Jayden-sama found something for you!" Tobi yelled from the other room. They all walked in, and snorted. Not because Tobi was making Anthony Wiener poses in Missy's mirror, but because Jayden was holding out a skirt and spaghetti strap.

"What the fuck?" Deidara says, and Hidan mumbled something about Deidara stealing his line.

"Come on, Deidara, it's the only thing we have in the house." Aiden said.

"So why don't you wear it, un?"

"Because I don't wear my hair in a ponytail," Aiden said snidely, "…UN."

"You have another pair of shorts!" He said.

"But no underwear." Jayden said.

"So I'll go without them." Deidara shrugged.

"No way, those are my shorts. You AIN'T going commando in my fatigues." Aiden said, threateningly.

"Well in not wearing a skirt either!" The blond terrorist said, crossing his arms.

"Come on Deidara senpai!" Tobi said, "you can have Tobi's undie-duckies!"

"Actually, Tobi, you can keep those." Jayden said.

"Put 'em on, blondie." Hidan commanded, "you're the only person still in a towel, and I'm sure as FUCK not going through the day with the fear of being blinded by your naked ass."

"Not happening, yeah!" Deidara said, defiantly.

"Deidara, put them on." Kakuzu said, harshly

"No!"

"Put them on." Pain said.

"No!"

"Put. On. The. Skirt." Pain said, trying to sound intimidating. **(Okay, you can't say nothing scary about a SKIRT, playboy) **

"Make me!" Deidara said, defiantly. The moment the words left his lips, he knew it was a mistake.

"Grab him!" Hidan yelled, and the men held him down.

"HEY, UN, STOPPIT! I TOLD YOU, IM NOT WEARING A DRESS!"

"Hold still, hn."

"Here, Deidara senpai, almost done!"

"TOBI GET YOU HANDS OFF MY JUNK, NOW!"

"Jeez, blondie, quit squirming, we got them on."

"Lets see what else we can do to him!"

"NOOOOOO!"

**_Okay, sorry Deidara! He always struck me as a cross dresser anyway! Kidding, there's nothing feminine about explosions._**

**_So, lets recap. Four members have no shirts, Tobi is walking around in duck-tidy-whities, and Deidara is dressed like a woman. If they were really alive, I'd be dead already._**

**_Wait, how'd you get in here? I'm sorry, Deidara! I thought it was funny! Please stop! I don't want to be art! Nooooo!_**

Paste your document here...


	10. Jaws of the ocean, causing a commotion

**_Chapter nine: Jaws of the ocean, causing a commotion_**

**_Hey guys!_**

**_CzarofItaly: Ur always so good about posting! How come you don't wait and build up suspense?_**

**_Me: there's no kill switch on awesome._**

**_Angel'sAngel: why is your story so awesomesauce?_**

**_Me: Actually, it's an old family recipe for Awesomesauce._**

**_Sorry this took a while, but I had a lot on my plate._**

**_Anyway, as the chapter implies, this is a part where Kisame starts to realize his feelings for Lynsey. I've focused far too much on the humor, and I think I may need to get more (choke) romantic. _**

**_I don't own naruto. If I did, tsunade would not be the only one with large breasts._**

Kisame's perspective.

I was beginning to like this new world.

I was being waited on, hand and foot, by these strange new people, without paying a cent. Nobody knew we were here, so we could take a brief vacation until Pein finds a way to take us back, and it appears a moving picture about an enormous shark murdering people passes for entertainment. Yes, I liked this place very much.

That annoying girl, Lynsey was her name? Yes, lynsey walked in.

"What are you doing?" She asked the two boys next to me.

"Showing Kisame, 'Jaws'." They said.

"Don't show him that!" She said, covering my eyes at the best part, "he'll get nightmares!"

Nightmares? Really? It was one thing that this girl was suicidingly annoying, but did she really have to be so stupid to believe that I, an S-ranked mist ninja who focuses on water-style shark jutsu, would get nightmares?!

"I'm not going to get nightmares." I said, condescendingly, and took her hands away.

"But-" she began, but I put my hand over her mouth, my large hand easily covering her entire face.

"Shh." I said, "this is the best part."

As the shark tore the man to shreds, I began to miss samehada. That was the way we'd attack. Drag them in, and cut them to ribbons.

Now that I think of it, I miss all the things I had left behind in our world. My headband, my cloak, my belongings. My spirits lowered, despite all the blood and organs floating in the water.

I stood up, deciding to leave on a high note, and miss the shark being killed. I released Lynsey, as I walked away. She followed me, saying several things at hyper-speeds that I didn't follow at all.

"And-" she said, looking up at me, "are you okay? You seem down in the dumps."

"What?" I said, incredulously.

"It's- an expression." She said, waiving it away, "you look sad."

"Oh." I said. Why didnt she just say that, then? And not use the confusing trash metaphor?

"I just…" I said, deciding to be honest, "…miss samehada."

She raised an eyebrow, and I expected to hear the usual mocking I'd hear from anyone.

"Aww." She said, "That's so sweet."

"What?" I asked again.

"You're homesick." She said, putting a hand over her heart, "that's adorable."

Okay, this was very odd. What most would tease and ridicule, she called adorable and sweet. I'd never been called that before. In fact, I'd never had this kind of sincerity.

The whole reason I'd joined the akatsuki was to see the world without lies, the world as it is. And from the moment I had gotten here, this lynsey had been nothing but herself. Even if she was annoying to the point of self-harm, she was absolutely true. What you saw was what you got. That was the first time I'd ever had ANYONE be truthful to me. And I don't know why, but this young girl had moved me. Moved me to where I actually, dare I say it, liked her.

"C'mere." She said, grabbing my hand. Her palm was smooth, and soft. Mine were rough, and calloused. She lead me into her apartment, and into her room. She opened her closet, and yanked aside a large amount of clothes.

I think my heart skipped a beat. Sitting there, propped up in her closet, was samehada! I reached out for it, feeling the familiar feeling in my hand. I lifted it, running my hand over the bandages.

"It's not the real one." She said, looking to the side, "it's just something I ordered off the Internet."

"Astounding." I said, waiving it about as if attacking an invisible opponent.

"You can have it, if you want." She said, softly.

"Thank you," I said, looking her in the eye, "You have been very kind to me. How can I repay you?"

"Well," she said, "there is one thing."

Third person POV

"Yes!" Jayden and aiden said, slapping a high five as the shark exploded. Every time they watched that movie, they always acted as if it was the first time the saw it.

"Kisame, movies over!" Aiden yelled. There was no reply.

The brothers turned, shook fists threw times, and made a rock and scissors. Jayden cursed, and got up, looking for the shark man.

"Bring me a coke." Aiden called after him.

"Gotcha." Jayden groaned.

"And a doughnut!"

"Bite me."

Jayden walked around, and saw hidan having a tug of war with Jess over a kitchen knife. He was claiming it was, "time for his blood ritual to jashin-sama!" Jess was claiming that if he didn't put down the knife, she'd, "cut off your head and sew it onto your crotch!"

He peeked into the other room, and saw Tobi playing a computer game. Deidara was sneaking up on him, trying not to snigger.

"KATSU!" Deidara yelled suddenly, making Tobi jump in the air. Tobi looked around, trying to find an explosion, while the blond terrorist laughed.

"That's for making me wear a dress, hmm!" He said, and Tobi whined about a good boy.

Finally, jayden walked down to Lynseys apartment, opened the door, and looked in.

Kisame was twirling a huge sword, swathed in bandages, over his head in impressive arcs. Jess watched with admiration as the shinobi attacked an invisible opponent. Finally, kisame finished with a huge swipe, and then propped it on his shoulder, and said, "It seems you surpassed my expectations. You're quite impressive."

"Goose bumps." Lynsey said, wistfully, then noticed Jayden.

Jayden stared at them for a moment, trying to understand what he just saw. He gave up on it, and closed the door, going back to their apartment to start the next monster movie.

**_Okay! So yeah, the next few chapters are gonna be lovey-dovey. If you guys want, you could check out my other fanfictions, and give me some comments. That would be dope. _**

**_Good night, New York! (And everywhere else!)_**


	11. Beauty and the Beast

**_Chapter ten: beauty and the beast_**

**_Priviet!_**

**_I got this chapter idea after my friend got a kiss from an old girlfriend. He is apparently not very bright because he broke up with her because she was cheating, and she's still with the other guy. _**

**_Anyway, Jess and hidan finally get a little time, but at this junction, I'm not really getting to the romance. They're just getting softer to one another. _**

**_I don't own naruto. If I did, someone would notice that most of the perverts have white hair. (Kakashi, Jiriaya, the third Hokage, Hidan...)_**

**_Jess POV_**

Okay, so, things were not going the way I'd preferred they would.

Hidan was distant at best. If things didn't captivate his attention, or benefit him, he'd leave. I found him every morning laughing manically about jashin while hurting himself. And he hadnt even noticed me.

This was getting ridiculous. I had always thought that if hidan came to this world, we'd hit it off just fine. Now it seemed like we were mirror opposites.

I crawled out of bed, and changed out of my pajamas. I decided not to think about it anymore. I was just going to get myself stressed out.

I heard the familiar yelp of pain from down the hallway, and I walked down to his room, to take away whatever sharp thing he'd impaled himself on this time.

I walked in, and saw hidan grinning widely over a huge gash in his arm. The blood was dripping all over his leg, and out onto a large circle with a triangle in it. I recognized it as the Jashin symbol or something.

"Where is it?" I asked. He reluctantly handed me a small dinner knife, with flecks of blood covering the blade. I sighed, and grabbed a roll of gauze.

I sat down on the bed, and started wrapping his arm. The gauze wrap soaked up the blood like a sponge, dying the white cloth a dark crimson. He rolled his eyes, as if taking care of his cut was an inconvenience he'd rather not take part in.

"Why do you keep cutting yourself? Are you goth or something?" I asked.

"What? No way, bitch, I'm a instrument to carry out lord Jashins divine will!" He said.

"Yeah, yeah." I said, "I don't know why you believe this jashin stuff."

He rounded on me quickly. "What do you know, you heathen? You don't know me." He said, angrily.

I paused, trying not to show how deep his words cut. I guess i didnt know much about him. I felt bad, selfish even.

"I shouldn't be trying to tell you what you can and can't do." I said, quietly.

"Then why do you?" He said.

I fell silent, trying to avoid answering. He wouldn't have it. He lowered his head, trying to meet my gaze. His eyebrows knitted, "huh, bitch? Why do you? Huh? Huh?!"

"Because you remind me too much about myself!" I practically yelled. He recoiled as he realized there were tears welling in my eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked, quietly.

I didnt answer. I just pulled up my sleeve, forcefully, and showed him the deep scars in my arm. His eyes widened, and looked at me confused.

"It happened when my parents got divorced." I said, feeling nonchalant now that I'd shown him, "I mean, never thought I'd be a self-harmer until my mom started dating this total fuckwad. He belittled me, lashed out at me like I was there to be a punching bag, and I just… it felt good. Like I was cutting him. Like somehow by hurting myself, I was hurting him. Until I realized that it was like… taking poison and expecting someone else to die."

His eyes softened as I kept going, "I didn't see my dad anymore, because of some fiasco that happened between them. It was the only thing I could turn to."

I felt the warm, salty stinging tears streak lines down my face. I felt like it was happening all over again. Like I was actually reliving it, like I was taking a knife and stabbing it into my own arm.

Suddenly, I felt a hand brush my forearm. I looked up, and saw hidan comforting me. He did it so awkwardly, so jerkily, that it felt like he was just grabbing me. But on his face, he wore a new, sincere expression, so different from his normal one it was almost like I was looking at a different person.

He looked… sorry. As if he'd accidentally hurt me. He looked in my eyes, and for the first time, I didn't see the crazy, Jashinist immortal. I saw me. The old me. The one in pain, the perpetual pain.

"I became Jashinist to get rid of the pain." He said, "When my village stopped being an actual shinobi village, I tried to show everyone we were still strong. I fought some of my fellow ninja, trying to get them to fight back. Instead, I ended up killing them."

He sighed, as I saw the pain, the absolute horrors behind his purple pupils. The albino man continued, through gritted teeth, "The pain of slaughtering your fellow ninja, your friends… it was unbearable. That's why I am Jashinist. Because every time I hurt myself, every time I run myself through with a pike, it reminds me. It reminds me of my life before everything went to hell. " His voice cracked, "that's why I joined the akatsuki also. Kisame, itachi kakuzu, and the others all had one thing in common. They all knew the pain it took to slaughter your own. They were like me. They understood my pain. And even though I act like I hate them, when I'm around those people who understand my pain, even if I'm fighting, I…I'm completely at peace."

This was shocking. Hidan understood. He wasn't crazy. He wasn't one of those religious nut-jobs, he understood the hurt I went through. As I felt him pull me in, I didn't realize it was a hug until he got both arms around me. He held me so protectively, so tightly, I thought he'd never let go. And I hoped he never did. I wasn't fangirling anymore. I felt so safe in his arms. So safe. More so than I ever had.

"Hidan." I said, my words floating off my tongue.

Suddenly, the door was flung open and Tobi charged in wearing his duck underpants. His fingers had iced frosting on them, so I assumed he had discovered the wonders of a cookie jar.

"Hidan-senpai's in love!" He said, jumping around, "hidan-senpai's in love!"

"You're fucking dead!" Hidan hollered, letting me go. He tackled Tobi to the floor and began beating him up.

"Hidan-senpai's in lo-GAKK!" Tobi said as he hit the floor, "AND TOBI IS IN PAIN!"

"Next you'll be in a fucking body cast!" Hidan yelled, pulling tobi's arm behind his head.

I sighed. Guess that little moment was over, then. I got up, and walked out, feeling the heat in my face subside. Maybe opposites DO attract, after all.

**_This was a sad-ass chapter! Sorry about that. I just couldn't figure any other way to write it! I mean, for them all to connect, there has to be something touching that sparks inside them to bring the two closer, and I thought that this could be a good idea._**

**_PM or REVEIW if you have an idea on how I should do Itachi's moment, cause I AM STUMPED!_**


End file.
